• Straight Person: But who pays for the date?
  • Queer Person: No one. We dine-and-dash, cackling as we run out the door, flying away on our broomsticks as we flip everyone the bird. It's part of the Gay Agenda.

scenephase:

eat-my-bloody-crumpet:

scenephase:

petition for teenage girls to stop marrying each other on facebook

Unless they are actually in love with each other and are actually getting married -.-

ok public apology to all of those 13 year old girls getting legally married to each other


theravenandthesun:

neustrasbourg:

revereche:

protowilson:

acquaintedwithrask:

circusbones:

cynicalsleeper:

this is the best thing that appeared on my dash today

I am dead.

what a glorious and delicate language

I love you, German.

I’ve never been so proud to be slightly more than half German in my life.

Here is another nice one:

My sister recently pointed this out to me. Not only the sound, but also the literal meaning of this is hilarious. You see, “Zeug” in german is a fairly derogative term for objects (like “stuff” or “random junk”). Technically every german word with “Zeug” in it is hilarious and gives you great insight in the psyche of my people. What kind of nation calls toys something that sounds like “playing tools”? 

“ACHTUNG! From 9 to 12 it is PLAYING TIME. We’re doing this by the books, Kinder. Gather your SPIELZEUG. Now… PLAY. One, two, three, PLAY! One, two, three, PLAY!…”

The funny thing is that if you are german yourself you don’t notice one bit how bizarre this sounds to anyone else- unless you learn other languages of course and manage to appreciate the unique combination of sounds of your native tongue from the perspective of an innocent bystander.

(*Blütenblätter, not Blütenblättern. The rest is blissfully accurate, though. I’m a little less than half german, but it’s still my main tongue)

These are cracking me up. Ohhhhh, Germany.

(Source: polynumerous)

❝ Go all the way with it. Do not back off. For once, go all the goddamn way with what matters. ❞
Ernest Hemingway, from The Complete Short Stories (via violentwavesofemotion)

I like to pretend I’m not in love with you but it’s too hard

(Source: ivetaaaaa)

tyranosaurus-banks:

Cosmo Tip 5437:
Secretly use super glue instead of lube so you can be together forever

❝ ‘Wrong place at the wrong time’ ought to be my middle fucking name ❞
Lafayette Reynolds (via mars-ultor)

plot twist: i actually died many years ago this is just a queue 

(Source: plazm)

“its not you… it’s your music taste”

(Source: fuckyeahthefabfour)

bitrude:

shoutout out to all my buddies who have shitty dads or no dads at all this father’s day, you turned out just great regardless, you can’t choose your family and you don’t deserve any negativity from them,and you don’t deserve backlash or guilt-tripping for cutting them out of your life if that’s what you need/ed to do and i love you all